Find Happiness 64: Are You Over-Analyzing What Others Say?



Does your interaction with certain other people bug you? Does that interaction have a tendency to ruin what would be an otherwise peaceful half day or full day? Here’s one possible reason it’s happening and a simple suggestion on how to eliminate the aggravation.

You may have a habit of analyzing what others say to several levels. Here’s an example:

You and Joe are members of a club. The club has a billiards table. The President of the Club is very restrictive about your use of the table, but allows Joe to use it whenever and as often as he likes.

Whenever Joe and you meet, Joe says, “I had such a great time playing billiards at the Club for several hours this week.”

You think, “Joe is saying this just to make me feel bad. He always has to have one up on me. He’s doing this just because when we were in high school I always got higher marks than him in physics… “

And every time this happens:

  • You feel discriminated against because the President gives you lesser rights, and this makes you angry
  • You feel helpless, because there happens to be no way you can make the President like you as much as Joe, and therefore no way you can counter what Joe is doing
  • You are depressed because of the two above reactions, and are likely unable to concentrate for a portion of the day and maybe on a recurring basis during the near future
  • Your relationship with Joe takes a beating.

But what if you did not analyze what Joe said so much. When he talks about enjoying billiards, what if you just listened and didn’t dissect what he said.  You would be saved anger, helplessness, depression and a fractured relationship! Is that a good thing or not?

The mottos of the story are:

  1. Unless it is part of your professional duties, do not overly analyze the reasons for people doing or saying things.
  2. Accept people for what they are.

As always, try these method out for about a month. Keep using them if you see benefit, modify them if you want to or drop them if you do not benefit (off the record: I’ll be very surprised if you derive no benefit!).

To your peace and happiness,





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Find Happiness 52: The Inner Peace Fortress

inner-peace-fortress-meThere is a safe, unassailable place beyond your mind.

This is a place where thoughts    cannot touch you. It is a place of peace, strength and security, from where you can watch the play of thoughts and give directions to your body to perform actions.

It is a place where you cannot be persecuted, victimized or forced by your mind to do things you don’t want to do. It is similar to a fortress on a high mountain, while thoughts are similar to activity on the plains below. There is no way events on the plains can affect the fortress.

Your aim should naturally be to always reside in that fortress.

That sounds great, but the question is… how?

First of all, you have to know where it  is.

Let me point you in its direction by describing the fortress and describing the means to get there. After that, you have to ‘travel’ there on your own (no one can do the journey for you, it would be like asking someone to eat for you).

The Nature of the Fortress

The fortress is the silent presence that is the witness to all your thoughts.

  • It has been there ever since you were conscious, which could even be in your mother’s womb
  • The trouble is, at a subsequent point in time, most of us started looking out of the fortress’s window at the plains below
  • We got so engrossed in what we were looking at that we forgot we were standing in the fortress
  • We got totally involved in the goings-on on the plains, similar to being totally involved in a movie.



How to Get There

  • To find the fortress, all you have to do is take a step back to the answer to this question: Who is aware of your thoughts?
  • Sit down for 5 minutes a day in a quiet place close your eyes.  Pause after any thought, then try and determine who was aware of the thought. The answer is the silent presence I mentioned earlier. Another way to describe it is your sense of being. It’s the fortress.
  • Here’s another way to experience the fortress. Listen to your favorite music with your eyes closed and your hand on the player’s on/off switch. When you’re at the peak of enjoyment, switch the music off. There will be no thought activity as a result. Only your sense of being, aka the fortress, will remain.


Once you have thus found the fortress, spend 10 minutes a day going back to it. Over time, you will realize that the fortress has been your true abode all along, and you will knowingly run your life from there.

Perseverance is key. We are talking about changing the way you perceive things, and that is usually only possible using continual effort. If your goal were physical, say to lose weight, wouldn’t that take time? This project is of the same ilk.

Be sure of one thing: if you constantly try to find and live in the fortress, it will happen, just like it happened to me.

Why waste time? I’ve shown you the way to happiness. GET MOVING!

To your profound inner peace,



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Find Happiness 50: Inner Peace Tips Everywhere


When it comes to understanding yourself (which is synonymous with finding inner peace) and you want to get it done during this lifetime, it’s usually a good idea to have a guide or teacher rather than re-invent the wheel (and I am not trying to sell services to you here, which you will realize as you read on).

The search for inner peace/happiness typically goes like this:

1. You reach a point in your inquiry and ask your guide for help. S/he gives you a helpful, focused explanation.

2. You don’t immediately ‘see the light’; you have to go off and examine your own mind, cogitate and ponder. It very rarely happens that you completely understand as soon as your guide’s explanation is over.

So when does it happen?

At any moment.

Permit me to explain: you could be thinking deeply about the subject, then a leaf could fall, which could start you thinking about trees…  POW,  a mental door opens to clarity.

You learned from that leaf. In the same way, you can learn from anything.

The takeaway:  Keep your eyes, ears and mind alert for lessons on inner peace… they could come from anywhere.


As a friend said to me wisely not too long ago, "A dog barks… and the lights go on!"


To broaden your knowledge of this topic, you might want to read this earlier post:

Find Happiness 48: Inner Peace – The Adventure Game

Also, to see how someone else says a similar thing along with a beautiful drawing, go here:


To your growth in inner peace,






Want to put your finger right on your inner peace?
Submit your first name and email address, I'll send you full instructions in four installments for free.
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