Find Happiness 64: Are You Over-Analyzing What Others Say?

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Does your interaction with certain other people bug you? Does that interaction have a tendency to ruin what would be an otherwise peaceful half day or full day? Here’s one possible reason it’s happening and a simple suggestion on how to eliminate the aggravation.

You may have a habit of analyzing what others say to several levels. Here’s an example:

You and Joe are members of a club. The club has a billiards table. The President of the Club is very restrictive about your use of the table, but allows Joe to use it whenever and as often as he likes.

Whenever Joe and you meet, Joe says, “I had such a great time playing billiards at the Club for several hours this week.”

You think, “Joe is saying this just to make me feel bad. He always has to have one up on me. He’s doing this just because when we were in high school I always got higher marks than him in physics… “

And every time this happens:

  • You feel discriminated against because the President gives you lesser rights, and this makes you angry
  • You feel helpless, because there happens to be no way you can make the President like you as much as Joe, and therefore no way you can counter what Joe is doing
  • You are depressed because of the two above reactions, and are likely unable to concentrate for a portion of the day and maybe on a recurring basis during the near future
  • Your relationship with Joe takes a beating.

But what if you did not analyze what Joe said so much. When he talks about enjoying billiards, what if you just listened and didn’t dissect what he said.  You would be saved anger, helplessness, depression and a fractured relationship! Is that a good thing or not?

The mottos of the story are:

  1. Unless it is part of your professional duties, do not overly analyze the reasons for people doing or saying things.
  2. Accept people for what they are.

As always, try these method out for about a month. Keep using them if you see benefit, modify them if you want to or drop them if you do not benefit (off the record: I’ll be very surprised if you derive no benefit!).

To your peace and happiness,

lucky

 

 

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Find Happiness 63: Don’t Expect Too Much of Others

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Apart from fundamental expectations such as politeness, honesty, relevant responses and non-violent behavior, it is really not in your best interest to expect more from other people. I’m talking about, for instance, expecting them to say certain things or do certain things in situations where they are free to say or do as they please.

That is because other people may simply not feel like saying or doing what you have suggested, which will invariably lead to conflict between you and the other person and frankly, who wants that and who has the time for that?

The reason the other people may not choose to fulfill your expectation is because, as adults, they may want to run with their own ideas instead. The reason is that our minds are like clay and the world is like a potter. The world develops our minds into beautiful, useful objects through interaction with it, just like a potter would develop a piece of clay into an attractive vase.

On the other hand, if other people keep doing or saying what YOU think, then it is more YOUR mind being shaped by the world than theirs. Now why would thinking adults want to forfeit the opportunity of getting their minds developed?

The motto of the story is not to expect others to do and say what you want (when they are not contractually bound to do so). This way you will have far less cause to be disappointed, let down, angry or frustrated. You will also not get into conflicts with the other people in question. Life will be the better for it, won’t it?

What I suggest you do is (like I always say) TRY IT OUT… NOW. Give it a whirl for a few weeks for a fair evaluation. I am very, very sure you will see that it makes your life easier and more pleasurable. In the unlikely event that it does not make a difference, discontinue it and I’ll refund your money 100%, LOL!!

Questions? That’s what the comments section below is for, fire away!

Regards,

lucky

 

 

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Find Happiness 61: Don’t Depend on Others’ Courtesy

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Do these sound familiar?:

  • “He didn’t ask how my cold  was. He’s brazenly insensitive and I’m really upset.”
  • “She didn’t ask after my mother. She’s so selfish, I’m really upset.”
  • “He didn’t ask about my new job. He doesn’t give a damn about me, I’m really upset.”
  • “She didn’t come to meet me at the airport. She has no manners, I’m really upset.”
  • “He didn’t condole my uncle’s death. He’s absolutely callous, I’m really upset.”
  • “She never even asked about our new baby. She has no social graces, I’m really upset.”
  • “He never thanked me for all I’ve done for  him. He’s an ungrateful wretch, I’m really upset.”

Now think about this: if it didn’t matter to you whether

  1. people thanked you or
  2. people made inquiries of you,

… wouldn’t you have much less cause for agitation ?

Your reactions to those things are really from learned behaviour… learned from your parents, other family, peers or the media. You were not born with those reactions. Nothing will go wrong if you lose them!

  • Try not reacting in the above circumstances and see if you like where it gets you.
  • Start today.
  • The next time somebody does not thank you or make polite inquiries, do not say anything.
  • Inhale slowly to the count of ten.
  • Then pay attention to some other matter, one that is not disturbing.
  • Repeat the above procedure whenever your mind goes back to the initial reaction.

 

Try it out for two weeks. If you like the difference it makes, make it a habit. You’ll be delighted at how much more enjoyable your life is!

Warmly,

lucky

 

 


Want to put your finger right on your inner peace?
Submit your first name and email address, I'll send you full instructions in four installments for free.
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