Find Happiness 63: Don’t Expect Too Much of Others

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Apart from fundamental expectations such as politeness, honesty, relevant responses and non-violent behavior, it is really not in your best interest to expect more from other people. I’m talking about, for instance, expecting them to say certain things or do certain things in situations where they are free to say or do as they please.

That is because other people may simply not feel like saying or doing what you have suggested, which will invariably lead to conflict between you and the other person and frankly, who wants that and who has the time for that?

The reason the other people may not choose to fulfill your expectation is because, as adults, they may want to run with their own ideas instead. The reason is that our minds are like clay and the world is like a potter. The world develops our minds into beautiful, useful objects through interaction with it, just like a potter would develop a piece of clay into an attractive vase.

On the other hand, if other people keep doing or saying what YOU think, then it is more YOUR mind being shaped by the world than theirs. Now why would thinking adults want to forfeit the opportunity of getting their minds developed?

The motto of the story is not to expect others to do and say what you want (when they are not contractually bound to do so). This way you will have far less cause to be disappointed, let down, angry or frustrated. You will also not get into conflicts with the other people in question. Life will be the better for it, won’t it?

What I suggest you do is (like I always say) TRY IT OUT… NOW. Give it a whirl for a few weeks for a fair evaluation. I am very, very sure you will see that it makes your life easier and more pleasurable. In the unlikely event that it does not make a difference, discontinue it and I’ll refund your money 100%, LOL!!

Questions? That’s what the comments section below is for, fire away!

Regards,

lucky

 

 

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Find Happiness 61: Don’t Depend on Others’ Courtesy

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Do these sound familiar?:

  • “He didn’t ask how my cold  was. He’s brazenly insensitive and I’m really upset.”
  • “She didn’t ask after my mother. She’s so selfish, I’m really upset.”
  • “He didn’t ask about my new job. He doesn’t give a damn about me, I’m really upset.”
  • “She didn’t come to meet me at the airport. She has no manners, I’m really upset.”
  • “He didn’t condole my uncle’s death. He’s absolutely callous, I’m really upset.”
  • “She never even asked about our new baby. She has no social graces, I’m really upset.”
  • “He never thanked me for all I’ve done for  him. He’s an ungrateful wretch, I’m really upset.”

Now think about this: if it didn’t matter to you whether

  1. people thanked you or
  2. people made inquiries of you,

… wouldn’t you have much less cause for agitation ?

Your reactions to those things are really from learned behaviour… learned from your parents, other family, peers or the media. You were not born with those reactions. Nothing will go wrong if you lose them!

  • Try not reacting in the above circumstances and see if you like where it gets you.
  • Start today.
  • The next time somebody does not thank you or make polite inquiries, do not say anything.
  • Inhale slowly to the count of ten.
  • Then pay attention to some other matter, one that is not disturbing.
  • Repeat the above procedure whenever your mind goes back to the initial reaction.

 

Try it out for two weeks. If you like the difference it makes, make it a habit. You’ll be delighted at how much more enjoyable your life is!

Warmly,

lucky

 

 


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Find Happiness 60: Don’t Worry About Your Mind

 

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  • Feel you’re going crazy?
  • Worried about your mind’s quirks?
  • Think you’re not as smart as your peers?

All these are  attitudes which probably everyone has at one time or another. First and foremost:

You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

I went through some of the above mindsets myself; I came to the point where I decided I had to straighten my head out else waste the rest of my life feeling mixed-up and inferior.

I studied myriad books, underwent self-help courses and spoke with people who clearly understood the human mind. I successfully found a solution, and now offer it to you, thus enabling you to leap over the searching stage in a single bound.

What you need to do (and what I did) is:

1. Realize that the worries mentioned above are thoughts, that they come from your brain and that you are the quiet presence that is aware of them.

   Just watch them without interfering with them. That means making no effort to engage with them.

  It’s like being on the pavement of an empty street, watching  a car  pass by.

   Or it’s like looking at an empty sky waiting for a bird to fly past

   Or like waiting in the silence of the night, waiting for the sound of the wind.

2. When the worry is over, be still and wait for the next one.

3. The general idea is that you, the observer, continue to be there as worries come and go. And it doesn’t matter to you when they come, when they go, whether they come or not or what they are about. You are always there regardless, quietly watching.

 

So when worries about your state of mind hit, just let them do their thing. They will stick around for a while, then dissolve. But you, the silent spectator, will still be there.

Nothing will go wrong if you let those worries blow by. They are just opinions and not necessarily true. There is no need for any action on your part as a result of those thoughts.

Enjoy!

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