Find Happiness 64: Are You Over-Analyzing What Others Say?

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Does your interaction with certain other people bug you? Does that interaction have a tendency to ruin what would be an otherwise peaceful half day or full day? Here’s one possible reason it’s happening and a simple suggestion on how to eliminate the aggravation.

You may have a habit of analyzing what others say to several levels. Here’s an example:

You and Joe are members of a club. The club has a billiards table. The President of the Club is very restrictive about your use of the table, but allows Joe to use it whenever and as often as he likes.

Whenever Joe and you meet, Joe says, “I had such a great time playing billiards at the Club for several hours this week.”

You think, “Joe is saying this just to make me feel bad. He always has to have one up on me. He’s doing this just because when we were in high school I always got higher marks than him in physics… “

And every time this happens:

  • You feel discriminated against because the President gives you lesser rights, and this makes you angry
  • You feel helpless, because there happens to be no way you can make the President like you as much as Joe, and therefore no way you can counter what Joe is doing
  • You are depressed because of the two above reactions, and are likely unable to concentrate for a portion of the day and maybe on a recurring basis during the near future
  • Your relationship with Joe takes a beating.

But what if you did not analyze what Joe said so much. When he talks about enjoying billiards, what if you just listened and didn’t dissect what he said.  You would be saved anger, helplessness, depression and a fractured relationship! Is that a good thing or not?

The mottos of the story are:

  1. Unless it is part of your professional duties, do not overly analyze the reasons for people doing or saying things.
  2. Accept people for what they are.

As always, try these method out for about a month. Keep using them if you see benefit, modify them if you want to or drop them if you do not benefit (off the record: I’ll be very surprised if you derive no benefit!).

To your peace and happiness,

lucky

 

 

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Find Happiness 63: Don’t Expect Too Much of Others

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Apart from fundamental expectations such as politeness, honesty, relevant responses and non-violent behavior, it is really not in your best interest to expect more from other people. I’m talking about, for instance, expecting them to say certain things or do certain things in situations where they are free to say or do as they please.

That is because other people may simply not feel like saying or doing what you have suggested, which will invariably lead to conflict between you and the other person and frankly, who wants that and who has the time for that?

The reason the other people may not choose to fulfill your expectation is because, as adults, they may want to run with their own ideas instead. The reason is that our minds are like clay and the world is like a potter. The world develops our minds into beautiful, useful objects through interaction with it, just like a potter would develop a piece of clay into an attractive vase.

On the other hand, if other people keep doing or saying what YOU think, then it is more YOUR mind being shaped by the world than theirs. Now why would thinking adults want to forfeit the opportunity of getting their minds developed?

The motto of the story is not to expect others to do and say what you want (when they are not contractually bound to do so). This way you will have far less cause to be disappointed, let down, angry or frustrated. You will also not get into conflicts with the other people in question. Life will be the better for it, won’t it?

What I suggest you do is (like I always say) TRY IT OUT… NOW. Give it a whirl for a few weeks for a fair evaluation. I am very, very sure you will see that it makes your life easier and more pleasurable. In the unlikely event that it does not make a difference, discontinue it and I’ll refund your money 100%, LOL!!

Questions? That’s what the comments section below is for, fire away!

Regards,

lucky

 

 

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Find Happiness 62: How to Make an Unhappy Life Happy

 SadToHappy

If you think your life is lousy, believe one thing first: you can make your life a pleasure to live. It just calls for a change in mindset, which takes a bit of mental work until the job’s done. Let’s dive right into the subject…

You probably think you life is miserable because nothing is going well with you.

Do you know how you reached the “nothing is going well with you” opinion? By judging the key events of your life, deciding that each one had a bad outcome and then averaging all those decisions.

If you had judged each event and decided each time that the outcome was positive (i.e., “good”), your overall opinion would be that “life is going well.”

So how do you ensure that the outcome of each event is good? By looking at the outcome from a positive angle instead of from the negative angle which you currently use.

To use a famous illustration, you look at a half glass of water and say it’s half-empty; a positive, happy person would say it’s half-full.

Believe it or not, there is something positive in almost every event outcome. Here are some examples of how to look at things positively. You can of course dismiss them as unrealistic on some pretext or the other; that’s understandable, since you have a negative mindset to start with!

Event: You have a flat tire   Positive view: You get exercise by changing the flat

Event: You run out of bread   Positive view: You have a chance to broaden your palette by trying other foods

Event: You have a bad relationship with your spouse   Positive view: You have an opportunity to overhaul your personality

For you to change your interpretation of events as described above, you have to foster a particularly important, life-altering belief: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR THE GOOD. And for that to happen, you need to believe that the Universe (or God, if you’re more comfortable with that) has a good purpose in mind.

Believing (“knowing” would be more accurate) that everything happens for the good can help you out when you cannot immediately think of how an outcome can be positive: you merely decide that although you do not know how the outcome could have a positive side to it (someone getting involved in a car accident, for instance), there is a positive side and you might become aware of it later (this has happened to me several times).

So to summarize what you need to do to turn your lousy life into a good one,

  1. Believe that you can make your life happy
  2. Believe that the Universe has a good purpose for everything
  3. Therefore believe that everything happens for the good
  4. Look for that good (i.e., something positive) in the outcome of each of life’s events

As a result, when you feel that all the events of your life have turned out well, your opinion of your overall life will be that… it’s good!

To your happy life,

lucky_thumb


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